TIMZILLA.

A longtime Bengals and NFL fan who’s still recovering from ongoing chronic brain freezes as a result of attending the 1982 AFC Championship Game, as a shirtless newborn. The ‘Zilla writes about the State Of The Bengals and touchy, off-limits issues and gobs of other un-PC topics. A former 15th-round draft pick of the Manitoba Saddle Sores, Timzilla is 6’ 0’’ … 185 LBS … runs a 6.5 40 … 6” vertical … and has a gas-guzzling, low-octane motor, but will go over the middle if beer and Slim Jims are involved.

Favorite Bengals: Eric Crabtree, Doug Dressler and all 5th-Round Draft Picks from Bible-Belt Schools.

NUFF JOHNSON.

Raised on pancakes, Ovaltine, and sarcasm, Nuff rarely refers to himself in the third person while sober. The under-achieving Bengals offer predictable slap-stick on the field and myopic miscues in the front office. So you’ll love Nuff’s pungent irreverence, cynical slant, and total lack of fact-checking. Although his fire-aim-ready approach frustrates and captivates, Nuff’s downfield visions always finds the open man.

Favorite Bengals: Pat McInally, Ben-Gal Andrea, and a bus-load of forgettable high draft picks from the 1990s.


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