Ignoring the distractions in Seattle can be tricky....

Until Sunday’s game at Seattle, the 2011 Cincinnati Bengals have been a pleasant surprise, locally. Nothing was expected – for legitimate reasons.  But after winning 4 of their first 6 and leaving their bye week mostly healthy, the Bengals have a chance to get noticed – but only if they win Sunday’s road game against Seattle.

I’m not implying that Seattle is a juggernaut. Considering the Bengals’ weak schedule, however, the Seahawks might fall in the top half of a ranking of the Bengals opponents so far. If they win Sunday, the Bengals can ascend from the obscurity of the basement to the pathway of playoffs possibilities. If they lose Sunday and fall to 4-3, they lose credit for what they’ve done so far and fall into the witches brew of NFL also-rans.

Speaking of runs, let’s hope that the Bengals OL responds and decides to take control of this game from the start.  With Cedric Benson on suspension, they’ll have a hungry Bernard Scott looking for some holes to help him make some headlines.  And if the OL can keep the Seahawk pass rushers at bay, Andy Dalton can put on a west coast offense clinic while on the west coast.

Given Marvin Lewis’ frightening record in “statement” games like this and coming off the bye, Sunday is the most meaningful game of the Bengals first 7.  The crowd noise in Seattle is always something to spook the visiting team, and Bengals teams don’t do well on their travels to the west coast.  But a quick chat with Timzilla’s odd little genie buddy Geraldo indicates this: Coach Zimmer’s D rises to the occasion and Coach Gruden’s O continues to find itself, earning the Bengals a giant-sized candy bar in the shape of a “W”.

Man, that genie is one scary little dude, but I think he’s on to something: Bengals 26, Seahawks 17.

Nuff said.

Carson Palmer, indicating the number of NFL teams from which he is retired

The Tuesday of bye week for most NFL teams is as quiet a day as you’ll find during the 17-week season. But as you’ve known for way too long, your Cincinnati Bengals are not most NFL teams. Not even close.

Which brings us to the drama that is on the radar from now until midnight: Will Mike “Even if I Paint Myself into a Corner, Know that I Got a Great Deal on the Paint” Brown go against his stubborn resolve and trade Carson “There’s No Chad in T-E-A-M… Please Stop Talking, T.O….  Are You Sure About That Call, Coach… No Mas!” Palmer?

You know the background all too well: Former #1 pick of the 2002 draft and the unflappable face of the franchise abruptly demands to be traded at the end of the miserable 2010 season. Stubborn owner references signed contract through the 2014 season that begs to differ about who has the most leverage. And the standoff is frozen there until further notice.

Suffice to say that if anything is going to happen between now and NFL Draft day ’12, it will be today, the final day of the trading deadline. Several teams could use an experienced QB like Palmer, including the Oakland Raiders, who lost their starting QB, Jason Campbell on Sunday. 

Last night’s Miami Dolphins offense showed even a rusty Palmer would be no worse than what they’ve seen so far from those QB’s currently occupying roster spots in Miami. And there are others who would certainly want to talk to the Bengals about Carson’s service.

However, nothing happens until Brown says it does. This is a position that Brown occupies in nearly all of his negotiations, including players, coaches, counties and even the IRS. And he rarely loses. 

There’s a lot on uncertainty, but one thing remains certain: If Brown negotiates a trade for Palmer today, Carson’s new team will have given more to the Bengals than Brown thinks his QB will be worth between now and the end of the 2014 season. You can bank on it.

Nuff said.

Bengals season so far indicates a head-over-heels turnaround from last year.

Is it just me, or is one of the greatest pleasures as a sports fan when your team far exceeds its expectations?  Given the last 20+ years of Bengals’ underachieving during the Mike Brown era,  it’s hard to grasp the perspective of a “normal” NFL franchise, where most teams have realistic optimism entering every new season.

Going back in Bengals history, recall the 1981 season when Forrest Gregg and a seemingly past-his-prime Kenny Anderson took the also-ran Bengals from 6-10 to Super Bowl XVI?  Similarly, the 1988 squad, coming off a four-win season, displayed an amazing turnaround, finishing 12-4 and a berth in SB XXIII, in Miami.

More recently, I remember the new-found hope and optimism Marvin Lewis brought to the then-comatose Bengals  franchise. His first season the Bengals went 8-8 and I was certain Marvin would soon take his Bengals to an eventual NFL Championship. Which brings us to this season, where the Bengals, sitting at 3-2 are one of the biggest turn-arounds of the young season.

After last year’s dismal 4-12 season followed by the most unsettling press conference in team history (you remember it, when Team Owner and Head Coach squared off in a bilious frown-fest, culminating with Mike Brown announcing that Marvin Lewis would, sigh, be retained), I expected nothing from this year’s team.

As they broke camp, my expectations matched ticket sales for the upcoming season. National football experts agreed the 2011 Cincinnati Bengals were the 32nd ranked team in a league with exactly 32 teams.  Sadly, I was in agreement with their assessment. In limbo vernacular, the only question to be answered about this team was:  How looooooow can they go?

But there’s a crucial element in the makeup of a football team that has nothing to do with physical ability, X’s and O’s, scheduling, injuries, weather, etc. It has everything to do with the space between the ears of every player and coach, and it can be the single most important determining factor in the success of any football team.

Call it confidence, call it team camaraderie or call it “unspecified intangibles”, but this appears to be this team’s strong suit so far.  To a person, this young team seems to really believe in itself.  And given their tender age and relative lack of experience, it’s best not to ask them to explain “Why?”

Of course, last year’s veteran team appeared to believe in itself on the surface– yet failed miserably.  Maybe they believed in themselves individually, but they were horrendous as a unit.  This year’s squad seems to have an unassuming, “Aw shucks, we found a way to win” demeanor, reminding me of Mayberry NC’s own Opie Taylor.  It implies that they don’t even know enough about themselves to ponder it any deeper than that.  And that’s OK with me.  (Perhaps Opie Taylor is the appropriate persona for this team, as they lead with fiery red hair, they learn their lessons well and they appreciate the role of their entire supporting cast.)

It seems that this years team is reacting alot like Marvin Lewis’ team did his first year as Bengals Head Coach: they like each other, they play like a team, and they don’t dwell on their personal stats.  Even though I wrote off Coach Lewis at the end of the season, could it be that he and his staff are feeding on the positive energy that this team is giving back to them?  (As Cedric Benson was making Batman & Robbin-ish noise about wanting to get the ball more after the Jacksonville victory, how appropriate would it be for him to begin his 4-week suspension immediately?)

So even though it’s only been five weeks… there’s a reeeeeally long season ahead of them… and they don’t even know yet what they don’t know… I’d like to see this team continue their maturation.  While logic would indicate that this year is the building block season to carry them to their full potential over the next few seasons… why not now?  Although I thought this year’s team, would only win 5 games–and that could still happen– I’d love to see this team go completely off the charts and win a bunch more games.  Surely the schedule gets tougher as the season grinds on, so let’s be realistic.  While I’d be pleased with an 8-8 record, how cool would it be if they won another another 7… 8… or, why not, 9 more games?   Not likely to happen to the 32nd best team in the NFL 2 months ago, but hey….

I’m afraid to think too far into the future with these guys, because this is the Bengals and Mike Brown is the Man Behind the Curtain.  As much as I like this year’s team and as hopeful as I am that great things are ahead of them, I am tempering my optimism.  After all, this is the Bengals, and ”Bad Luck Schleprock” has his eyes on this franchise.  He always does.  Remember how bright the Bengals future looked playing in their first Playoff game in memory in January 2006, looking to dismantle the hated Steelers.

But in a twist of fate and the snap of an ACL, this team got worse over the next 5 seasons, culminating in last year’s 4-12 trainwreck.

Nuff said.

Number 14, with a bullet....

OK, I’ve got a confession. Before I bring this indisgression to Father Flanagan and ask for Divine forgiveness, I’m going to air my dirt to Oddbounces Nation: I get a sick, twisted, perverted sense of pleasure when the Bengals top draft picks flounder.  

Okay, not really. But for obvious reasons, these highly touted Bengals have brought me an unmercifully high degree of pleasure over the years. It’s not that I want these new draftees to fail during their cruel entry into the brutally tough “job market” as an NFL rookie. It’s more that, when these fresh-faced newbies crash and burn, it gives me additional affirmation that Mike Brown runs his organization about as soundly as the federal government runs, well, everything.

Having said that, I’m happy to report that the top picks of this year’s draft are off to a sensational start. And I think that’s outstanding. AJ Green is proving it doesn’t take eight games for a WR to adjust to the NFL complexity, and QB Andy Dalton is so far ahead of the curve that he is being compared, not to Klingler and Thompson, but to Marino and Cook.  Pretty sweet company for sure.

But… while I hope Andy Dalton’s first two games are a true indicator of what his career will become, I have another confession to make: No matter how good he is after 1.5 games, and no matter how good he may become, AD should not be wearing number 14. Period.

The uniform digits of 1-4 for the Cincinnati Bengals should only be associated with one person:  Kenny Anderson.  He holds most franchise records for QB’s, his career matches favorably to many signal callers enshrined in Canton, and he led the Bengals to their first Super Bowl appearance in 1982. His one and only shortcoming is that he was not, is not and never will be a self-promoter. 

Even if the ”organization” that makes decisions for this franchise refuses to retire numbers officially, can’t the powers that be show some small gesture of gratitude to Kenny Anderson and retire it “unofficially”?  Hypothetically, if some rookie rolls into Bengal Town  and says his favorite number is 14 and that’s what he’s worn since 4th grade, why can’t they simply say “We’d like you to meet Hall of Famer Anthony Munoz,” who would wrap his paw firmly around Andy’s shoulder and say, “Hmmm, I’m really sorry, kid, but #14 isn’t available.  Would you like #9 instead?”

Of course, a well-run organization that understands fans, athletes and the human element of the game would have a huge ceremony and retire number 14 along with number 78. That kind of fluff and pageantry might fly in places like Pittsburgh or Dallas, where they have a pretty fair football legacy. But here in Cincinnati, we have Mike Brown instead. (Choke choke.)

Nuff said.

D'oh!, D'oh!, D'oh... Another one bites the dust....

Most people second-guessed Marvin for not allowing PK Mike Nugent a shot at a 53-yard field goal late in the game that would have given the Bengals the lead.

While the situation demanded an important decision be made, it was a tough call that no doubt would provide ample fodder to arm-chair coaches everywhere – regardless of the outcome.  So while it looked like a bad decision not kicking it – given perfect hindsight – I’m willing to give Marvin a pass on that one.

However, I will crucify Marvin’s decision-making when faced with a fourth-and-one call in the fourth quarter. Down by two points in a crucial drive, Marvin & Gruden look at all of their options and boldly decide to go for it, as QB Andy Dalton lines up under center needing one yard to extend the drive. That decision alone was fine: go for it, get the one yard and a fresh set of downs, then try to get into FG range. But when the ball was snapped Andy Dalton stepped back to pass, most fans were  horrified, as I was.  I believe my thoughts were, “WTF, Marvin?  Your rookie QB has played marvelously in hostile territory, and he’s playing more like a seasoned veteran. Yet with RB Ced Benson healthy and the Bengals needing just one measly yard, you send Dalton back to pass?!?”

We all know the result, as an unblocked, blitzing Bronco broke up any chance of Dalton connecting, and Marvin had that incredulous look we’ve seen too many times. Even with all the well-deserved criticism Marvin gets here at the fully stocked wet bar at the Oddbounces Rifle Range, that decision surprised me. So I give this game ball blunder to Marvin. 

You’re supposed to ask a rookie QB to execute the game plan, and don’t lose the game. Asking your rookie QB with exactly five quarters of NFL experience to win the game is as misguided as the play call itself.

Nuff said.

These digits tell the tale of the '11 season?

Finally, the end of another scintillating NFL preseason.

The 2011 Cincinnati Bengals are just days away from their first real game Sunday against the Browns at Cleveland.  And as always, speculation leads us to the same question every year about now:  How many games will they win? 

Forget about which games they’ll win, and which they’ll lose – just the overall record come January 1st. No matter how bad it may get this year, rest assure it’s nearly impossible for this team to go winless in a 16-game NFL season, where parity is king. 

Things will have to go wildly wrong for the Bengals to log just one win, given the weak schedule. So with a rookie QB, WR and OC on offense, their best player on defense  from last season gone, and a head coach who has consistently shown zero indication he really wants to be here, it’s understandably hard to think big. 

That said, the Bengals will win no less than two games. (Excuse me while I whack myself repeatedly in the temple with my Mallet of Optimism, until I bleed orange and black blood from both ears.)

But what if the Bengals exceed the minimum and show all the naysayers that things are looking up in the Lost Land of Who Dey?  What if rookie Andy Dalton shows maturity beyond his years, the defense gets nasty, and Marvin relearns how to inspire a team to be better than they are?  If all that happens, and with that favorable schedule, a .500 record is not out of the scope of possibilities.

So with a peak of eight wins, a valley of two, where do you see this season’s Bengals?  Color me crazy, but I believe with all my heart they go 4-12.  Nuff said.

Pinch me, I hope this is a movie and not another Bengal nightmare....

(Hello-o-o-o– Is this thing on?  Can you hear me?)

It could only happen in the lovable loser world of a John Hughes movie or a Mike Brown-run organization.   And since John Hughes is dead and Mike Brown isn’t (although if you heard his press conference yesterday, you’d be left wondering about that), this new development can only happen in the ludicrous landscape of the Mike Brown Bengals.

“Whatchutalkinbout, Nuff?”

I’m talking about the aftermath for the  Bengals, now that the NFL’s spoiled owners and the NFL’s spoiled players have decided to carve out an  agreement, “rescuing” the 2011 season.   Now that we can focus on football issues, let’s look at two of the most well known Cincinnati Bengals of the last decade:  Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson.

Carson Palmer, who for eight seasons gave this organization everything you could ask of your franchise player, has sold his  house in Cincinnati, making good on his promise to retire if the Bengals do not trade him.  Mike Brown addressed the issue of Carson’s status with the team, repeating that if Carson doesn’t show up to Training Camp that they will consider him “retired”.

Contrast that with the status of Chad (nee, Johnson) Ocho Estupido, who is still officially on the Bengals’ roster.   The greatness of Chad’s athletic ability, his exceptional balance and his big play instincts are not what I will remember.  Instead, his off the field antics, behind the scenes tantrums and his “me-myself-and I” fixation have all came at the expense of the team’s best interests.  He’s still a serviceable WR, capable of the occasional burst of above-averageness.   But even that is marginalized when countered with his distractions from the single-minded focus that is mandatory for a winning team’s psyche.  Mike Brown should release him, trade him or just tell him to go away. 

It would seem that the “decision” with these two players is no decision at all: Simply trade Carson for whatever is the best deal you can get, and make sure that Chad doesn’t have a locker or a playbook at Georgetown.  Carson still has some value, and it would seem better to use that value to get something in return, be it players, cash, draft picks or some combination.   

Now let’s take those two players and filter them through the prism that is Mike Brown’s logic-impaired mind.  Even though it’s clear that Carson is not coming back and is making good on his pledge to retire if not traded, to trade him would indicate weakness.  (As we’ve learned all these years, it is not about what’s best for Mike Brown’s team, his players or his fans.  Nope, it’s more about the public perception that Mike would appear to be “losing”– giving in, conceding if he were to trade Carson. 

So instead of trying to salvage some value from Carson, Mike would rather get nothing in return and exercise his power over Palmer’s ability to play elsewhere.  While he does not appear to care about losing more football games in a decade than any other NFL team ever, he will go to great lengths to prevent “losing” a single player negotiation. 

And then there’s Chad.  While he might be a bit extreme and do things that Mike wished he wouldn’t, Chad by association brings attention to the Cincinnati Bengals.  And for a team that rarely gets noticed on the field, any attention drawn to it through extreme antics by its immature, narcissistic, and me-focused wide receiver is better than no attention at all.  Remarkably, MB appears to think that Chad’s body of work is a net gain for the franchise.

Brown’s not-so bosum buddy, head coach Marvin Lewis, took a back seat to Mr. Brown yesterday, just as he does in all things personnel, money and more money.  Although it can only be assumed that it was done choking back a river of molten bile, Marvin  did say that Chad, “Is part of the team and expects him to be in camp”. 

Cough cough– it’s looking like it’s gonna be another maddening Bengals season in 2011, with Mike Brown being Mike Brown.  Hold on an enjoy the ride to Insanity, population: you.  Nuff said.

Coming soon to Carson Palmer's front yard?

It was reported this afternoon that Carson Palmer has listed his house in Cincinnati for sale with a realtor.  Granted, listing your house with a realtor doesn’t really mean anything.  But this appears to be Carson’s next move in the high stakes game of chess/chicken/poker between he and Mike Brown. 

The only thing we know for sure is that when you put Mike Brown’s stubbornness to the test by painting him into a corner, his resolve solidifies into something akin to granite, fortified with steel, then finished with tungsten.  Strong stuff indeed.

Regardless of what happens between now and the season opener this fall, the one thing we are sure of:  The real loser will be you, the long-suffering, silver-lining addicted, self-loathing Bengals fan.  You know, the ones who looks at themselves in the mirror most Monday mornings and thinks, “You are a damn fool!”"

With Mike Brown on the other end of the negotiating table, he does not consider the effect on Bengals fans.  He sees it as a battle of wills, where one side wins and the other side loses.  Compromise and “taking one for the team” is not in his vernacular.  Mike thinks he can out-stare whoever is on the other side of the table– fans be damned!

It’s clear that if Carson is really contemplating retirement, it marks perhaps the only time that a player has the upper hand.  Being in such unfamiliar territory, there’s no telling what Mike Brown will do.  With history as a good predictor of future actions, I’m guessing that he’ll do what he usually does: Sacrifice the long-term benefit of the team and the fans so that he can “win” the negotiation

If you believe that Carson will really retire rather than play for Mike Brown even one more season, then Mike Brown has only one logical option: To swallow hard, soften your stubborn resolve and get on the phone and see what he can get in a trade for 31-year old Carson Palmer.  Trade Carson for the best deal you can get– that’s the only thing that makes sense. 

But giving in to Carson’s trade request means that Mike will lose the battle of wills.  So we know that Mike Brown won’t do that.

So here’s what we’ll be looking at if Carson retires: The 4-12 Bengals will be staring at a ’11 season without their offensive anchor and alleged leader.  While many have questioned whether the Bengals are better off without Carson going forward, I doubt that anyone thinks the Bengals are better without Carson if they get NOTHING in return.

Nuff said.

Carson Palmer during happier times as a Bengal

It’s official: On Sunday, January 23, 2011 AD, the Cincinnati Bengals franchise has reached the lowest point in its 43-year history. What first sounded like a baseless rumor from ESPN hours before Sunday’s NFL Conference Championship games turned out to be true: Carson Palmer has asked the Bengals to trade him. If they refuse, Carson says he may retire.

It’s one thing when loud-mouthed ego monsters like Chad and T.O. spout out their “thoughts” like so much noisy rain you can’t separate one drop from the other, and it all gathers in a homogenize pool of brainless self incrimination.

But when mild-mannered franchise poster boy (and underperforming mega-millionaire) Carson Palmer says that he wants to be traded, or else…. WOW! 

Like him or not, there’s no denying Palmer has been a stand-up guy every minute of his career with the Bengals. Whenever he is in front of a microphone or a camera, he always takes the high road and says the right thing. Given the frustration of being a long-term Bengal during the Mike Brown era, Carson has had plenty of opportunities to speak out. But he simply will not throw a teammate, a coach or the ownership under the proverbial bus. Until now.

Rated a solid "9" and provides better downfield vision than #9.

After ending with a pathetic 4-12 record, we thought the worst of the 2010 Bengals season was behind us.  But just three weeks after their last game things are actually getting worse. First it was the embarrassing press conference, where Mike Brown and Marvin Lewis dueled one another on who could display more bilious contempt for their fans and each other. Then Chad and/or T.O spouted off disrespectfully about — oh, who cares what those dim-wits say. 

Then Marvin claims that he can fix the team and make it all right again — yes, the same “first ‘n fi’teen” Lewis with his penchant for pre-snap penalties and keeping Jerome Simpson off the field for two seasons. 

And now the Carson debacle.

Before I mockingly say, “Jeez, it can’t get any worse — what else can happen?”, remember one thing: The NFL draft is only a few months away.

Nuff said.

It was supposed to be a special year.  After bolstering areas of weakness in the offseason, this year was supposed to improve upon the success of last year’s AFC North Championship. 

Some football experts even said that the 2010 Cincinnati Bengals were not just special; they were Super Bowl caliber.

And then the season started.  And ended.  Quickly.  (See four victories in 16 tries as Exhibit A.) Now what? 

After letting one last winable game slide into the loss column at Baltimore, the Bengals organization has said nothing of the fate of head coach Marvin Lewis.  NOTHING!  But I’m certain that the Bengals perfectly miserable season will end in the most perfect Bengal way:  Exit stage left, Marvin.  

With all of his deficiencies now razor sharp, Marvin will be free to coach for a team with less nepotism and more competency in the front office. 

Meanwhile, Groundhogs Day XXI will continue with the Bengals: Mike Brown will sign a young/unproven/subordinate coach who will rule underneath his insufferable Thumb of Stubbornness and be forced to partake in Mike’s worship at the Altar of the Status Quo.  More losses, more fan frustration and more Bengals profits will follow,  and you’ll be asking the same questions in a few more years.  Ain’t life grand?

Nuff said.