Ahhh, is our little tiger sleepy? They sure played like it.

OK. I watched the game. I mean, the whole game. I didn’t turn it off after all the guffaws, miscues, accusatory looks from receivers toward Palmer, or the rash of inopportune holding penalties. No, I stayed up. And I watched.

I cursed and shook my head. At one point, I even thought about getting into my car to see if I could make it to the stadium in time to grab ole Marvin by the collar, stare into his apathetic eyes, and shout, “Wake up, man! Show some emotion! Get these guys fired up!”

For three quarters, I tried to figure out which new team I was going to start following. Yup, I admit it. I was seriously contemplating cheating on my beloved Bengals. My mistress would be the Raiders. Why? Well, any West Coast team would do I thought at the time. But I sorely needed a team far, far away. One that I could be emotionally removed from. But I couldn’t do it. I had my Bengals jersey on, I was still shouting, jumping, and rooting for the boys in stripes.

Since this is a cathartic exercise for me, I will let you know that for an inkling I almost thought we could pull off an upset that the Steelers had never suffered in their franchise history. A loss after going up by 20. Hah! This is the moment of reality for all of us right?

Clearance sale through end of season.

After spending most of the game wishing that Jon Gruden coached the Bengals, that Peyton Manning or that little kid in the trick football play video or anyone else was our QB, and that someone could stop the pass rush, I realized we were actually still in the game….I realized that we could possibly pull it off.

Aye – and there’s the rub. Could we actually pull it off?

I simply ask you to be brutally honest and reply with your comments. Did you really believe we’d finish last night’s game with a heroic come-from-behind upset. Or in your heart of hearts, did you instead think we’d find yet another way to finish with an “at least it was close” pat on the back?

What say you?

In Game One vs. Pats ... throw it ... throw often ... throw it deep ... throw the hell out of it!

It’s getting close. Can you feel it – the nearly palpable energy and anticipation for the Bengals 2010 season opener?

You know it’s there, pervading your mundane daily routine. You’re only trudging through the last remaining weeks of summer in order to fulfill your need for Bengals Sundays.

So, to help bring that game a little closer, let’s discuss game-planning and that first opponent, the Nue Inglund Paytreeutts. (I couldn’t find a more childish way to disrespect them other than spell their name all goofy like).

What does the opening game hold for Bengals and New Englander fans alike?

Well, if the status quo holds true we may see a game of hand-offs, reverse hand-offs, fake hand-offs, reversing fake reverse faked hand-offs, reverse… yeah, you get the picture. As an Oddbounces reade, you know our disdain around here for Marvin Lewis’ run-first, run-often game – it’s nearly impossible to post a story without mentioning it. I’m not taking anything away from the run as part of the game … heck, running the ball is crucial, and most of us have an all-star RB in mind as we leap from the couch to the fridge, bouncing off a buddy, spinning and hurdling the foot stool. (I was going to say ottoman but I don’t want to get fired from this writing gig).

No doubt the running game is a crucial part of the Bengals’ overall offensive strategy. But in Game One, we have two of the game’s best quarterbacks … two guys who’ve spent their whole lives throwing a football … two guys who want to open up things … and an audience wanting to see the pigskin slung around the damn place. But will we see it?

If you look at the Patriots’ end of 2009 campaign, the story starts to look eerily familiar to the Bengals faithful.

In four of their last six games, the Pats ran the ball for 35+ times per game. Also, as of today, almost half their roster is rookies or 1st-2nd year players. What their final roster looks like, who knows – but we know they’ll be young, and you know what usually means in the NFL. Yep, handoffs. Why do coaches believe young guys can’t run a dang pass route, or catch a ball?  I know it takes the line, and the center, and all that stuff … but isn’t that why you practice and draft those guys?

Will Palmer get a chance in that first game to prove he’s what everyonewants him to be – an elite passer?

Oh, he’ll get chances to air it out a bit. But when you sit up on the edge of your seat when the pass is  slightly over-thrown, or the route is slightly under-run (depending on who you want to blame), or the WR won’t lay out for the ball, or a pass goes to the zig when the WR zagged …  well, you can sit back and watch them start running the ball, again, and again. And again.

But you know what I say? I say let’s let ‘em run the route … I say throw ‘em the friggin’ ball … I say we pay them millions to catch, so make them catch. If our all-star QB throws you the rock, then catch the rock. I want guys to run routes, catch balls, get their money, wave at the crowd and love playing the game. I want guys who the QB and OC wants to throw to.

In that opening game, I want guys stepping into the huddle and saying, ‘Today, less running … and more balls in the air”.

Half Samoan, half Minotaur, half cocked. You do the math.

By Higgy Smalls

Upon reading fellow O’bounster Timzilla’s take on our latest USC LBer, I got all giddy in the giddy-up to respond. I say the mythological Greek creature known as the Minotaur has been spotted in Cincinnati. And I say this half man-half bull legend is one hell of a LB.

Oh, yeah, you know the long-haired wonder of whom I speak of Minos, or Mr. Rey Minotaurluga.

After ascending the throne of Crete, Minos struggled with his brothers for the right to rule – we’ve all done this and I was able to knock my brother off his I’m-the-big-brother-and-much-cooler-than-you roost, too.

However, Minos being the obvious wimp that he is, prayed to Poseidon to send him a snow-white bull (WTF?), as a sign of approval. He was to sacrifice the bull in honor of Poseidon but decided to keep it instead because of its beauty.

To punish Minos, Aphrodite made Minos’ wife fall madly in love with the bull from the sea (we’re talking about bull love, guys). She had a wooden cow made for her and Minos’ wife climbed into it in order to , er, um…have sexy times with the white bull. The offspring of their coupling was a monster called the Minotaur.

Being the unnatural offspring of man and beast, he had no natural source of nourishment and thus devoured men for sustenance. Now, this is the obvious segue into being the ultimate football player right? Well, there’s more.

The bull from the sea resided near the island nation of Samoa. I mean. come on! How does an island with 55,000 people produce so many good football players without help? You guessed it, bull copulation resulting in Minotaur-like Samoan beasts. Marvin Lewis has known this for years due to his own personal quest to study bull love.

In the 2009 draft, Marvin bide his time and in the second round and pounced on the opportunity to draft The Minotaurluga.

Recent comments from former USC and current Bengals teammate Keith Rivers only serve to corroborate the story. Keith on Rey’s recent locker room activity, “He keeps runnin’ around growlin’ and saying crap like he wants to tear people up. I don’t know wus up wi’ that boy but he needs the season to start soon.”

Bengals equipment manager, Dave “Buzz” Spencer said, “I’m getting tired of this. He keeps tearing up his equipment like some kind of beast. I say play without those helmets. Back in the old days we just smashed each other’s heads in with no problems. Did I tell you back in the old days we used to smash … what was I saying?”

In order to satisfy the Minotaur blood coursing through his veins, Minotaurluga really needs this season to get here. Word has it that he’s itching to crush some guys and put the hurtin’ on ‘em proper. For this writer, personally, I can’t wait to see how he comes back this season and I believe he will be a game changer. Just don’t get too close if he’s hungry.

By Higgy Smalls

I wasn’t really sure what to expect this year as I watched the NFL draft in Prime Time Baby! Nothing like telling the wife that I had to sit in the basement with a cold brew and watch the draft as part of my research for Oddbounces. Score one for the good guys! BTW – Nuff, Timzilla and Houdino…don’t talk to my wife for a little while, just let her cool down.

At any rate, I’m watching the draft and I’m honestly not caring a hoot about any of the other teams, about the odd bounces thrown our way with the living room reporters talking about people who were sitting right behind them having things said about them while trying to pretend they didn’t hear a word (pause…need a breath) or the funky cut-aways to goofy player poses and the like.  I’m sitting there the whole time thinking – please don’t blow it Bengals, please don’t blow it….

Don't be blind sided...I'll do anything to get Sandra's picture in a story.

With every passing second I was hoping there would be some huge trade announcement, and they happened, just not with the Bengals. I actually started worrying that maybe Marvin got the date wrong.  Maybe he was sitting at home watching The Blind Side thinking the draft was the following week! And then what do you know – the Bengals are on the clock and their first pick was in within minutes and everyone and their great-aunt knew what they needed and who they should take and they took him!  We didn’t blow it? We didn’t decide to try our hand at another TE who we could take a shot at to see if he ever came to fruition?  I ran to the fridge for another beer, research can be Hell sometimes.

I watched most of the rest of the draft with mild surprise every time the Bengals picked. There may have even been a smile, ever so slight because I was working you know, about the Bengals draft picks. I waited for the moment we’d blow it and I waited and waited and then I got up to go pee.

This draft was all BLTy for me. Mmmmmmm.

This draft for the Bengals was kind of like when I was little and my mom would call me into dinner. I trudged there knowing it would be friggin’ meatloaf but, what’s this – when I opened the door I could smell the distinct aroma, and hear the comforting sizzle, of bacon….bacon at night could only mean one thing! I’d run into the kitchen to find a huge plate of BLTs with corn on the cob on the side with drippy butter all over the place. BLTs, I mean, come on, I thought I was going to eat meatloaf that I’d have to make sure was swimming in ketchup and I get an all-you-can-eat BLT smorgasbord!

Yeah, this years draft for me wasn’t meatloaf.  It was indeed crunchy bacon, oozing mayo, crispy lettuce BLTs with a side of corn on the cob. Thanks for the BLTs Marvin.

By Higgy Smalls

Regardless of what our favorite Oddbounces blogger Timzilla thinks about Chad Funny Name, I say bully to Cha Cha Cinco!

Heading out to try Cha Cha's new nude workout regime.

While we’ve all watched the whirlwind of off-season trades with heightened interest and perpetual hope that the Bengals would finally do something, they’ve been about as active as my 90-year old grandpa after poppin’ a Vicoden on a warm Sunday afternoon.

For this reason, I say thank goodness we have Cha Cha. At least we’re in the news once in awhile and people don’t think we’ve pulled a Cleveland Ravens or Baltimore Browns, or whatever they’re called, and pulled out of town in the middle of the night.

Terrell Owens – nope. Santonio Holmes – nope. These are guys who like catchin’ the ball so they wouldn’t fit in well with our quasi-passing scheme. I know, we did take Antonio Bryant and seem pleased with our receiving corps to date…hmmmm.

My old college buddy listening to Marvin talk about the 2010 draft prospects for the Bengals.

Geesh, even Marvin doesn’t seem too concerned with doing much differently or approaching the upcoming draft with much more than a get together to see what happens, stating, “We’re kind of letting the draft board pick our player…” Great, we’re not even going to make the picks, apparently the board is. Once again, thank goodness for Cha Cha!

Did you check out that Reebok commercial? Isn’t that pretty cool? Dancing with the Stars? Cue Cha Cha Cinco.  How about making the news after getting caught working out naked? Check (hey, at least the guy was working out!).

These are all newsworthy endeavors and help keep the Bengal’s in the news. Without Chad Ocho Cha Cha Funny Name Cinco Johnson, what would we talk about? What would we be doing? Discussing the riveting bolstering of our roster and the palpable excitement of the upcoming draft where we plan on letting the board pick our player?  Chad! We need you. Do something that makes the news, that gets us talking, that allows us to have a discussion around the Bengals. I just wish you wouldn’t have taken that name and ticked off my friend Timzilla. He so wanted to call himself Ochozilla.

By Higgy Smalls, contributing writer

@OGOchoCinco – Can y’all please tweet @terrellowens and tell him to get his bags packed ann head to Cincy, not now but right now!! Can you picture 81 and 85?

That’s it, that’s the tweet Ochocinco sent out recently claiming Terrell Owens should be a Bengal in 2010. (pause – I’ve stopped writing because I know this has to sink in a bit).

Terrell’s response? Oh yeah, he says he’ll change his name to Ocho Uno. He probably won’t sign on for a second season with the Buffalo Bills, since he had one of his worst statistical years of his career.  He of course blames the quarterback for his own low numbers. Cue the Bengals.

We’ve spared no expense at Oddbounces; sent our best team of investigative reporters to get the low-down on the situation. What follows may be the best bit of interviewing you’ve ever read … in fact, we’re readying ourselves for some major awards.

It was simple really – we posed the question, “Can you picture 81 and 85? together” to a variety of football fans and players:

Paris Hilton – “He can dance and tweet at the same time but he, like, ignored me, so whatever.”

Carson Palmer – “Yeah, I can picture it. I’m excited about the possibility of strengthening our receiving corps with another me-me-me, 15-yard route runner who wants me to throw him the ball on every down. Gee, thanks.”

Luda – “Gas prices are way too high,
Rich people are way too fly,
And I’m where I wanna be in my life,
But why am I so behind?”

(I honestly don’t think Luda understood the question, but he just stared at me when I mentioned it so I backed away slowly.)

Marvin Lewis – “That’s Brat’s problem.  Did you write that down?  Crap.  I have a plan.  Who the Hell are you?  Are we done?”

Beaker Andrews – “Mee mee mee meep. Meee!  Meee! Meeep?”

And lastly, and probably most importantly we were able to catch up with Ocho Uno recently and pose the same question to him:

A prolific multitasker, T.O. contemplates ways to “one up” Ochocinco while practicing his next touchdown celebration.

Terrell Owens – “Maybe God has a plan and we have to be who we are in order to be who we are not going to be we are we and you are you and nobody is like me so sometimes we are who we are so just be ready to watch the greatest who’s played the game be who he is supposed to be ‘cause homie Ocho n me r doin 2 iz upn flip thiz leeg.”

I sure hope you’re ready for 2010 and the “Ocho” tandem lining up with Carson under center, and Ced in the backfield. It should be another great running season.

Editor’s Note: Oddbounces Uber Fan Higgy Smalls street-rapped his way into a coveted staff writer position. Look for more Higgy sarcasm coming soon.