What’s Next For Chad 2.0 – Prison, Bankruptcy Or Morgue?

16 Submitted by on Fri, 17 August 2012, 16:41

After a hiatus researching tan lines in Rio de Janeiro, I’m thrilled to be back talking about the Cincinnati Bengals.

But before chiming in on what’s relevant to Bengals 2012 (one word: ‘Optimism’), allow me to weigh in on a favorite OddBounces’ topic: former Bengals’ WR Chad “Say what you want about me as long as you’re talking about me me me” Johnson.

As you know, this week the doltist formerly known as Chad/Ocho Cinco/Dum Dum/Stupid Name/Johnson was released by the finally-got-wise Miami Dolphins after an arrest on a domestic relations disturbance with his soon-to-be ex-wife of less than two months. The source of the dispute, as with most newlyweds, a condom receipt in the car. His car. His condom. His loss.

Chad did the only thing he knew when confronted in a no-win situation – head-butt his wife, who promptly called the po po, who promptly booked the wideout on several charges, including domestic violence, public narcissism and illegal use of a hat rack.

So, after a storied and sometimes-spectacular career with the Bengals, and an embarrassing one-and-done season with the Patriots, followed by a few weeks of summer camp and one condom-generated head-butt too many as a Dolphin, Chad finds himself on the outside looking in on what should be the end of his professional football career.  Now what?

As much as Chad craves attention, it’s hard imagining him without the big, grassy green stage. I mean, take away his God-given athletic ability, and what’s he left with? Although he’s dabbled in B-movie reality television, remove the football piece and it’s doubtful he can remain remotely relevant to a short-attention-span, fickle public.

Like most attention-whore narcissists before him, there are three most-likely ways a football-less Chad stays in the headlines:

Prison:  He’s already been there for a weekend, so what’s to stop Chad from doing something more outrageous, more illegal. His lack of forethought seems to support prison as a real possibility. Probability? Ka-link.

Bankruptcy: Forget the millions Chad has already earned; he seems equally capable of over-spending even more millions. His appetite for attention knows no limits, so it’s reasonable to expect Chad will try spending his way to happiness. Cha-ching.

Coroner:  Given his inevitable loss of relevance, and unravelling of the only kind of adult lifestyle he’s known, does Chad have the emotional stability and maturity to deal with real adversity? We hope he’s smarter than shown in recent years. But we fear he’s not -not by a long shot. Da-dum.

At Oddbounces, we look at Chad and think what could have been, because it’s so much better than what is.

‘Nuff said– What do you think?

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16 Responses to "What’s Next For Chad 2.0 – Prison, Bankruptcy Or Morgue?"
  1. TheReal85IsaacCurtis says:

    Welcome back Nuff. I say Chad is too selfish to end up in the morgue. Prison, maybe. Bankrupt, absolutely. Did you see the Hard Knocks episode where Lewis had to explain to dum dum how banks operate. No way he has a penny 2-3 years from now.

  2. GoAwayLewis says:

    What were the Dolphins thinking. What result in the last 2 years made them think Chad could make their team let alone be a No. 1 WR. Good for them to cut the cord early, something the Bengals were 4 or 5 late years in doing.

  3. Timzilla says:

    Yo, Nuffstodomous – wassup! Bigtime spot-on post. Chad is entering his post-NFL dark days. He’ll probably try hooking with the Fairfield Moutain Goats in the indoor league, or some similar circus act. If he’d not gone to the dark side, and if he’d worked as hard at football as he did PR whoring, he and Palmer would still be here, and they be creeping up the all-time TD pass combination list. Chad is all about could-a-beens.

  4. DunlapsKnee says:

    I smell a prison cell.

  5. 2Coy2bBacon says:

    Chad will spend the next couple years trying to get back in the NFL, so I don’t see the morgue yet. Someone with major WR needs may even pick him up this year. He’ll be an NFL hanger for another year. Then the morgue.

  6. Timzilla says:

    2Coy, I agree someone may try to pick him up, but I doubt Chad has the intellect to pick up a team’s offense that fast. He was clearly unable to do so with New England in a year – so he’d have get up to speed in a matter of weeks with another team. I just don’t see it.

  7. BengalBob says:

    Chad will never catch another NFL pass.

  8. downlineman says:

    Disagree. Experienced WRs are a huge need in the NFL. If Chad is healthy and in good share, and he is usually in good shape, he’ll be on a roster somewhere. But he’ll never be a 1,000 guy again.

  9. Timzilla says:

    D’lineman, I contend Chad is a one-trick pony. When you’re a 34-year-old WR, you better be wiley, crafty and smart. Chad isn’t. Chad can only play the way he did as a 23 year old, which at 34 years of age is not gonna happen. He’s done.

  10. RedZoneJP says:

    Next stop, arena football.

  11. JasSmitty says:

    He’ll do a slutty show on BET or something like that.

  12. LuvinMeSumMee says:

    NFL Network will give him a job, they will give any talentless African American ex-player a job.

  13. Timzilla says:

    Yeah, he’ll try TV, but if you’ve ever really listened to Chad, he’s not very articulate. He speaks in incoherent riddles. I agree with Nuff – he’s headed to one or all three of those scenarios. Eventual bankruptcy is a given.

  14. GeorgeGruff2020 says:

    Chad will eventually go the porn route with the Long Island Lolita.

  15. shakeNNblake says:

    Typically I’m not one to root against someone but Chad is the exception. I hope he loses all his money, whatever is left. He is a sickening person.

  16. Timzilla says:

    ShakeBlake, I don’t necessarily root against Chad, although I’d never come to his rescue. After he admitted throwing the ’08 season in an effort to be traded (or actually renegotiate his contract), I was done with him. The last 4 years in Cincy, Chad was a hugely destructive force.

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