Cincinnati Bengals

Remember this time last year? Well-quaffed, brainy media pundits everywhere predicting the Bengals at 0-16. Why? Well, because Cincinnati was one of the worst teams in NFL history, they said. … and, oh yeah, Andy Dalton was easily the league’s most dreadful quarterback. Well-quaffed, brainy media pundits. Okay.

While over time some manned up to their errors, many well-quaffed, brainy media pundits have fallen off the wagon. Regressed – laying in a Charlie Sheen cloud of white dusty stuff and half-drank, lime-laced Bud Lights. The Bengals are losers again, say many well-quaffed, brainy media pundits.

Two mighty well-quaffed, brainy media pundits.

This year, many well-quaffed, brainy pundits are hinting 2011 was a fluke, so it’ll be a “not winning!” 2012 for the Bengals. Sorry.

ESPN keeps reminding us, and reminding us, and reminding us, and reminding us the last time Cincinnati won a playoff game was in the way, way, way back days of 1991, and since then the team is a “not winning!” 0-4 in the postseason.

And hey, the Bengals’ 21-year “not winning!” drought is the longest postseason winless streak in the NFL.

And, oh yeah, the “not winning!” Bengals barely made the postseason last year, as five of their nine wins came in games decided by one possession, and playoff teams never do that. Never. Ever. Ever. And, oh yeah, the Bengals only outscored their opponents by 21 points in the regular season, many well-quaffed, brainy media pundits say.

And, oh yeah, this year Cincy plays the dreaded NFC East, and those gigantic behemoths from the AFC West, two divisions likely to produce multiple playoff teams. Yeeks. So, the deadly combination of a difficult schedule and a 30-year drought since the team last made the playoffs in consecutive seasons spell doom for the “not winning!” 2012 Bengals, say many well-quaffed, brainy media pundits.

So, crack open a Lime Bud and order up some hookers – it’s gonna be a long year for the “not winning!” Bengals.