Bengals Request First 30:12 To Go As 2009 Season Record, Stats. Hope To Claim 21-7 Win From Final 29:48.

19 Submitted by on Mon, 13 September 2010, 07:46

I knew I shouldn’t be wearing my Pants on the Ground T-shirt yesterday … or my white belt and plaid bell-bottoms.

Hey, bell-bottoms were “in” in ’09, right?

Okay, why else did Cincinnati Bengals fans yesterday feel trapped inside that disaster called the ’09 season finale versus the New York Jets? For 30:12 it was Pants on the Ground 2009 all over again. For 30:12 it was the Jets game all over again. 

So there I was bubbling in my Hot Tub Time Machine as Sanchez The Eyelinered Maybelline Model QB, ooops, I mean Tom The Pre-Menstral Catwalk Model QB and his Little Buddy Wes were dissecting the Bengals vaunted defense for national debit-sized yardage in route to a 38-24 woodshed paddling of the visiting Bengals.

I mean, before most of us could even pop the frakkin popcorn, the Bengals were down 24-0. And not just your average 24-0 … this was an ABSOLUTELY NOTHING-is-working 24-D’oh.  

Suffice it to say – as the Bengals can be at times under head coach Marvin Lewis – this team in the first 30:12 was not ready to play professional football. The coaches in the first 30:12 were not ready to coach professional football. I say the Bengals lost so soundly for one key reason – give Bill Belichick seven months to game plan against Marvin Lewis and the result is what we saw the first 30:12. Sprinkle in a little ‘first-game nerves’ with some ‘playing on the road’ – and poof, the result: a 31-3 game that ends 38-24.   

So, Hot Tub Time Machine, please “fast us forward” to the game’s final 29:48 … a much better smelling place. The one bright spot is fairly obvious – the potentially resurrected Bengals passing game. Outside two bad throws, QB Carson Palmer (34-50/345/2/1) showed his ’05 form … Batman and Robin showed signs that experiment can work (Nachocinco had is biggest day in years; 12/159/1) …  and rookies Ship’ and Gresh’ showed they can play in the NFL.

Bottom line – despite the 31-3-ishness of this game, there’s actually quite a bit for which we can be encouraged … 1) I think the passing game is real, and 2) the Bengals won’t be playing against a Belichic-coached team each week 

To me, the scary piece is the defense, or lack thereof. Sure, the Bengals out-yardaged the Pats 426-376 … but don’t let that fool you. The Pat’s yards came easy, early and often. So, here are my three “Why Is Its” for this week.

– Why is it opposing QBs always seem to have 10-15 “all day to throw” throws each game, and Palmer NEVER has an “all day to throw” throw?

– Why is it opposing WRs always seem to be WIDE open 5-10 times per game, and the Bengals WRs are NEVER wide open? Can you recall the last time Palmer threw to a WIDE OPEN Bengals WR? I can’t.

– Why does Marvin Lewis always have a near-half-time mishap with the clock or personnel? You have a last-second throw from near mid-field, and your two fastest players are already in the locer room? No excuses.

So let’s count yesterday’s first 30:12 against 2009 stats. The Bengals’ 2010 season officially started at the 29:48 mark of quarter 3 … so, in my mind they won 21-7 and are 1-0.

Okay, I’m gettin out of the Hot Tub Time Machine – damned Steelers fans peed in it.

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19 Responses to "Bengals Request First 30:12 To Go As 2009 Season Record, Stats. Hope To Claim 21-7 Win From Final 29:48."
  1. 2Coy2bBacon says:

    I don’t put much stock in season openers so no reason to panic yet. I expect the D to play better next week against the ravens. Bengals 31-24.

  2. Houdino says:

    Yikes. It physically hurt seeing the disparity between NE’s formations and ours. This may be one game where a novice fan could actually see on screen the lack of game-planning and creativity. After that fiasco, I’m predicting the Ravens game won’t be a sell-out by Thursday. Only one thing I disagree with ‘Zilla on…Carson had plenty more than two bad throws. I made it a point to focus on Carson and the OL The OL was very average in pass protection. Still, I counted 3, maybe 4 if I’m a tough grader, passes that could have (should have) been INTs…and only one of those was under duress. But hey, he was fantastic in the second half with NE in soft coverage. Even so, I agree that the passing game will be for real. But Bratkowski HAS TO STEP IT UP. I know Zim will, but “in Brat I do not trust.”

  3. Timzilla says:

    Regarding Palmer, I just watched the DirecTV’s Short Cuts version of the game (just the plays, one after another). Palmer had 5 balls dropped (as usual), and threw four ‘potential’ INTs … on one, it did get picked off … on one, it could have been picked but would have been a very difficult diving INT catch … one one, Shipley caught it/wrestled it from the defender … one one, it was obvious Palmer didn’t see the defender/LB. So, I still say two bad throws out of 50 (bad meaning shouldn’t have been thrown, INT-able kinds of balls). Otherwise, even with 5 drops he completed nearly 70 percent of 50 passes … I’ll take that any day. I don’t think Palmer was the problem yesterday … yesterday was: 1) bad coaching/bad game plan … 2) very poor OL play … and 3) out of sorts, tentative D who couldn’t stop anything. It was 24-0 before my beer got warm.

    But personally, I think these players are better at playing than these coaches are at coaching … so I say the players beat Baltimore next week on their own.

  4. SnotNocker says:

    Other than the passing offense in the second half, every other phase of their game sucked yesterday. Why did it take idiots Lewis and Bratkowski almost 3 quarters to get Scott in there. These offensive coaches redefine LAME!

  5. Higgy Smalls says:

    I’m surprised anyone made it to the 29:48 mark. My wife had already performed three pulmonary resuscitation thingys on me by then and I sat numbly mumbling to the TV that we were supposed to pressure the other team’s QB right?

  6. Houdino says:

    Zilla…I don’t mean to say that Carson was at fault for the loss. He clearly wasn’t. The coaches clearly didn’t have our guys ready. But I’m also not a Carson apologist. Using a simple eye test, I thought he was “okay” overall. He was mediocre when it counted most (first half) and only great when he was throwing against soft coverage in the second half. 70 percent of my frustration is with the coaching staff. 30% with the players (20 percent of that with both lines). But hey, looks like we got ourselves a good kicker!

  7. Timzilla says:

    H’dino … dude, I only aplogize for you 🙂 … regarding Palmer, I think you and I were watching different games. I again saw dropped balls, hurried throws and pedestrian at best play calling in the 1st half. Didn’t you see the Palmer-Brady difference – Brady had 5-10 seconds to throw pretty much every time, and his RBs were busting 10-20 yard runs … Palmer had about 1 second to throw, and Benson averaging around 2 yards per carry in the first half.

    Huggers, yeah they were supposed to put pressure on the QB with some new blood in the D, and super hybrid Michael Johnson. I think (think) they got with in 10 feet of Brady once.

  8. FanCPants says:

    First my positives, then I will rant. Promise. Okay, let’s just say they went into the locker room at the half and “made some adjustments”. And they worked. That was good. Now… The D seemed reactive and not pro-active. You gotta disrupt the offense gang, not wait around and see how many yards they’ll get this play! If you see 2 on 3, call a friggin’ time out. You DID see the 2 on 3 right? And 1 of the 3 is Welker! Hello!! Save that booboo for not covering Hines freakin’-Ward. Next, someone forgot to tell CP that the pre-season is over and/or this game wasn’t a scrimmage. “Just run the play” (to the primary guy) doesn’t always work in a for-riz game. yo! Did anyone else feel like CP wasn’t really looking at the D as he walked to the line? Does he know there are outlets and secondary guys out there? Aargh! Finally, don’t get me started on that damn deer-in-the-headlights look we all get to see on national TV when they show Marv on the sidelines. Double-aargh!! Yeah, I’m still a fan and always will be. Let’s get ’em next week. Who’s covering TJ? Where’s the Tylenol?!

  9. FanCPants says:

    P.S. I agree 100% that the coaching staff seemed to have NOT prepared yesterday’s team for this game. Certainly no defensive game plan. Peace!!

  10. Timzilla says:

    FCPants … can’t say I noticed Palmer “wasn’t looking at the D as he walked to the line.” But because the Pats, Steelers and Ravens are the three best Ds in history at confusing QBs with bizzaire schemes, I gotta believe he was looking at the D.

    Unless the Bengals give their QB more support than what Palmer got yesterday, Joe-Freakin-Namath couldn’t have done any better.

  11. ZackksterOtool says:

    hell its only the first game of the year. if they crap a egg next week against baltimore then there is problems. this team is too talented to play like that two weeks in a row. beat the ravens and everything will be fine.

  12. Houdino says:

    Guys, guys…don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe one game makes for a trend, let alone the Apocalypse. I’m just pointing out that yesterday, CP wasn’t elite. And against NE, surprisingly, we needed him to be in order stay close. I said it last year, I’ll say it again this year. I love the guy to death. I think he’s a REALLY GOOD quarterback. But he’s not elite. A good QB does what CP did yesterday…he takes advantage of soft coverage. An elite QB takes every advantage of his meager 2-3 secs in the pocket. He doesn’t pull a Kitna (whom I also loved) on us with inconsistency and bad decisions. Regarding Brady, he had all day. So what? My point is that if Brees, Manning or Brady are getting constant pressure, they usually find a way to handle it. I can count on them. That’s no longer the case with CP. So he had only 2-3 secs to make his play. So what? I don’t expect Kevin Kolb to handle that kind of time very well. But I do expect an elite QB to. Also, my focus on CP’s play shouldn’t be mistaken for me believing the Bengals lost because of him, don’t need him, can win without him, or that he’s the main problem. None of that is even close to the truth. But I seem to be one of the very few local analysts who’s been willing to state the obvious when it comes to CP. He hasn’t been elite since ’05. I hope he gets back to that level.

  13. Houdino says:

    Zackkster, re: your “too talented” comment, I wouldn’t count on that. See Mo Egger’s post today titled “The Most Talented Bengals Team in Years.” Kind of sums up how I feel today…

  14. Timzilla says:

    H’Dino … when you have all day, that means you got time to check down to each of your alternate receivers … usually four or five, counting your RB. That’s four-five options, which is what you saw Brandy doing all day yesterday … just standing in the pocket for 5-10 seconds measuring the whole field. And most of his passes appeared to be completed to his check downs. But Palmer generally had time to look at basically one guy, or just start running, or get hit. Big difference between the two situations. I’m not sure about Brees, but Manning and Brady have for years been the most protected QBs in the league (I assume Brees was last year too). In ’05 Palmer had Manning/Brady type protection and was an MVP candidate. Since ’05 the OL has teetered between barely average and totally sucks, and Palmer’s game has severly suffered.

  15. Timzilla says:

    Z’Otool … I agree they’re too talented to lay an egg next week vs. Ravens at home. But we’ll see how they handle what will no doubt be a week of boo birds and major media sniping, which they do deserve. If in four weeks we’re in this same boat, then we got trouble. Personally I’m more worried about the defense than the offense.

  16. Houdino says:

    Zilla, can’t deny a thing you’re saying (other than the upwards of 10 secs…that’s a little much). Yeah, that kind of time will make just about anyone not named Jemarcus Russell look like the second coming of Johnny U. But I believe the elite QBs do better when they’re under duress, not when they have a lot of time. Look at Aaron Rodgers…phenomenal what he does behind an O-line that’s MUCH worse than ours. I guess it’ll be hard to know for sure if CP is elite or not until he gets NE-like protection. Until then, I believe he’s very good; just not elite. Good debate by the way.

  17. Timzilla says:

    Well, Rogers is an exception to the rule (and if I wasn’t so tired from wrestling gators, I’d make an arguement he’s had a MUCH better corp of WRs and TEs than Palmer’s had since ’05). I bet if you go back thru NFL history the top 5 QB each year are also in the top ten fewest sacked QBs.

    Yes, that’s true … unless the Bengals can protect Palmer like in ’05 he won’t again be among the elite QBs, and nor will the team win this year. Just my two pennies, mate.

  18. houdino says:

    In 2009, the Bengals were 24 out of 32 teams in giving up sacks. They were 27th in giving up QB hits. Also in 09, the following were top 10 QBs despite being top 10 victims of sacks and/or QB hits: Aaron Rogers, Kurt Warner, Matt Schaub, and Ben Roethlisberger. To your point, all of these guys except Pig Ben had a much better receiving corp. Still, while I don’t for a minute believe our OL last year was as good as these stats indicate, they also weren’t nearly as bad (and detrimental to CP) as everyone seems to think.

  19. Timzilla says:

    Seeing “our OL” and “as good as these stats indicate” in the same sentence gives me Shingles 🙂 … they were a horrible pass-blocking OL last season. Give Palmer an above average running game … top ten WR/TE corp … and a really good OL and I think we’ll see the Palmer you’re asking for. He had all those tools in ’05 and we saw the year he had. But after Bramm went down in Game 2 of ’06 the OL had progressively gotten worse and worse, as had the WRs.

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