Soon-to-be new home of Andre Smith?
Realizing his gravy train NFL ”career” might be as short-lived as Lindsey Lohan’s imprisonment and about as substantive as yesterday’s all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, Andre “Big Tub of Goo” Smith has taken a cue from a couple of his Bengals teammates regarding his life after football: Reality TV.
In an Oddbounces exclusive, super-skinny Oddbounces summer intern Whit Slimman broke the story from deep within the plumbing of the Georgetown training table. In a conversation between Smith and an unidentified programming staffer from the Food Network, Whit overheard discussions about a food-focused reality program starring the XXXXXL Smith and his gelatinous midsection.
Already preparing for his career after football, Andre Smith demonstrated his life's calling: Competitive Hamburglaring
The working title of Smith’s reality show is “Sloth Or Consequences?”
Regarding development of a pilot episode, Witt reported that some of the programming under consideration includes Competetive Hamburglaring contests, educational features like a drive-through digestion laboratory, audience participation segments such as “America’s Fattest Home Videos” and games such as, “Wake Up His Lazy Ass?”, “Andre Dealt It, Who Smelt It?” and “Stretch Mark, Scar or Baby Fat?”
When asked to verify this development, disstressed Food Network spokeswoman Julii would not discuss this issue with Oddbounces.
“You just don’t understand…I have a lemon cake in the oven that isn’t rising, Bearnaise sauce that’s separating and my peach custard flambe is just about finished but my rum bottle is empty again, dammit,” an emotional Julii blurted out, in between uncontrollable sobs. After gaining her composure, she later added that they have found eager corporate sponsors, including Hungry Man frozen dinners, Michelin Tires and Stay-Puff marshmallows.
The obvious downside to this development is that Andre will now be competing with fellow Bengals Chad Stupid Name and Terrell “I’m the O in Ego” Owens for top reality show on the team. Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis dismissed the notion that this could hurt team chemistry and locker room camaraderie.
“Nah, I don’t see a problem,” said a disgusted Marvin Lewis, choking back the bile in his throat. “You don’t think I’m going to let a few reality shows, two enormous egos and one ridiculous stomach stop us from moving ahead, do ya? If these guys don’t want to focus on football first then Mr. Brown and the deeply nepotistic Bengals organization will press the panic button and they’ll have newer unproven players to replace them next April.”
Andre Smith: Love him. Just be patient. Pass the gravy.
Nuff said.
Tagged as:
"America's Fattest Home Videos",
"Will He Eat It?",
Big Tub Of Goo,
Chad Stupid Name,
Competitive Hamburglaring,
Food Network,
incredaburgable,
Pass the gravy,
Sloth Or Consequences?,
Stay-Puffery,
Terrell "I'm the O in Ego" Owens
Bengals Newswire
With Football Career In Jeopardy, Andre “Entree” Smith Hopes To Join Chad & TO With His Own Reality Show.
by Nuff Johnson on 08/15/2010 · 0 comments
Soon-to-be new home of Andre Smith?
Realizing his gravy train NFL ”career” might be as short-lived as Lindsey Lohan’s imprisonment and about as substantive as yesterday’s all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, Andre “Big Tub of Goo” Smith has taken a cue from a couple of his Bengals teammates regarding his life after football: Reality TV.
In an Oddbounces exclusive, super-skinny Oddbounces summer intern Whit Slimman broke the story from deep within the plumbing of the Georgetown training table. In a conversation between Smith and an unidentified programming staffer from the Food Network, Whit overheard discussions about a food-focused reality program starring the XXXXXL Smith and his gelatinous midsection.
Already preparing for his career after football, Andre Smith demonstrated his life's calling: Competitive Hamburglaring
The working title of Smith’s reality show is “Sloth Or Consequences?”
Regarding development of a pilot episode, Witt reported that some of the programming under consideration includes Competetive Hamburglaring contests, educational features like a drive-through digestion laboratory, audience participation segments such as “America’s Fattest Home Videos” and games such as, “Wake Up His Lazy Ass?”, “Andre Dealt It, Who Smelt It?” and “Stretch Mark, Scar or Baby Fat?”
When asked to verify this development, disstressed Food Network spokeswoman Julii would not discuss this issue with Oddbounces.
“You just don’t understand…I have a lemon cake in the oven that isn’t rising, Bearnaise sauce that’s separating and my peach custard flambe is just about finished but my rum bottle is empty again, dammit,” an emotional Julii blurted out, in between uncontrollable sobs. After gaining her composure, she later added that they have found eager corporate sponsors, including Hungry Man frozen dinners, Michelin Tires and Stay-Puff marshmallows.
The obvious downside to this development is that Andre will now be competing with fellow Bengals Chad Stupid Name and Terrell “I’m the O in Ego” Owens for top reality show on the team. Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis dismissed the notion that this could hurt team chemistry and locker room camaraderie.
“Nah, I don’t see a problem,” said a disgusted Marvin Lewis, choking back the bile in his throat. “You don’t think I’m going to let a few reality shows, two enormous egos and one ridiculous stomach stop us from moving ahead, do ya? If these guys don’t want to focus on football first then Mr. Brown and the deeply nepotistic Bengals organization will press the panic button and they’ll have newer unproven players to replace them next April.”
Andre Smith: Love him. Just be patient. Pass the gravy.
Nuff said.
Tagged as: "America's Fattest Home Videos", "Will He Eat It?", Big Tub Of Goo, Chad Stupid Name, Competitive Hamburglaring, Food Network, incredaburgable, Pass the gravy, Sloth Or Consequences?, Stay-Puffery, Terrell "I'm the O in Ego" Owens