Since I acheived my entire Bucket List by age nine, I now have just two sad and pathetic life pleasures … 1) watching my dog Butkus eat lizards, and 2) viewing Marvin Lewis news conferences. In that order.
So there I was yesterday, wearing my orange speedos with black knee-highs, popcorn in hand, watching MarvTV. While adjusting my hairpiece, it hit me … hey, something’s very wrong. OMG! There it was, like the Lost Arc of the Covenant. The Unicorn. The Missing Link. And Schmiegel.
Marvin. Lewis. Smiling?
It’s been, what, four years between peeks at those pearly whites? Maybe five. Me and good ‘Zilla on the left shoulder were so happy for Marv. But bad ‘Zilla on the right, using that damned obnoxious bullhorn said, “WTF!”
Then it got better, or worse … no, better. There was semi-laughing, and borderline joking with the media. “WTF!” I quickly summoned Geraldo The Oddbounces Jeanie for some quicktime answers. But because Geraldo was a little too hungover, our Oddbounces mascot could only muster up three possibilities for this rare and wonderful event – Marvin. Lewis. Smiling.
1) Despite the team looking bad at best Sunday night, and appearing to have made little or no strides in improving the passing game, OL, or the orgy of penalties, he sees something good happening at Training Camp, and it’s got him excited and confident for ’10.
2) He knows this is his last season as the Bengals head coach, so the pressure’s off. Sure, he wants to win, but as a lame duck the pressure’s off. After this year, it’s “screw you ‘Zilla, and all those a-hole fans like you … I’m outta here.” So, the pressure’s off.
3) Lewis has finally realized he has the best job of all time. That he works for a man who’s uber patient, and sets the bar pretty low. That Bengals fans too are patient, loyal and fair. That he’s a freakin’ NFL coach – and what better job in the world is there?
Immediately after the news conference I could swear I saw some donkeys flying and Entree Smith driving past a McDonald’s. A very weird day, indeed.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I say its a stinky number 2. Marvin is out of here. The good news is coaches always want to go out a winner, so we should get his best effort this year.
Lewis is feeling pretty good about this team. It’s about 85% of what he’s wanted here all along – a good defense that’s getting even better and a solid running game.
After eight years Lewis has learned to mask his contempt for the media and Bengals fans.
I could be wrong, but personally I think it’s a mix of 1 and 2 … he feels good about this team’s potential for sending him out of Cincinnati a winner, or at least as a playoff-achieving head coach, which ups his value on the open market. I just don’t see him coming back.