Houdino, Reporting Live
Local authorities have released this surveillance photo of Pacman Jones and his crew breaking into the Bengals Training Facility.
This just in. According to unsubstantiated reports, NFL Public Enemy No. 1, Adam “Pacman” Jones, has broken into the Cincinnati Bengals training camp facility, demanding – at gunpoint – a place on the team’s 53-man roster.
Sources inside the facility say that while even crime-capital-of-the-world Detroit won’t tolerate Pacman, Bengals Owner Mike Brown has quickly capitulated to all demands, including an unusual ultimatum that Brown build a Camp for Wayward Boys.
Apparently, this request was a huge bone of contention between the two men, with Brown arguing that he had already created such a camp and called it the Cincinnati Bengals. He then politely asked Pacman to leave. Pacman became enraged, screaming, “You take me fo’ a fool, muthaf#cka? You don’t know me, pig. No muthaf*cka tells me when I can split! Now move over and let me pass ‘fore you be pullin’ muthaf%ckin caps outa yo ass!”
Terrified kitten saved by rescuers. Feline owner cried, "My poor Hans. He's no good to me now! Who will pay for this?"
Although no bloodshed has been reported, crime in and around Ohio skyrocketed 50 percent immediately following reports of Pacman’s arrival two days ago.
And in the same way animals can sense a tsunami before it reaches shore, cute kittens and puppies in the thousands have been reported missing or found cowering under beds and porches, refusing to come out even to eat.Overwhelmed animal rescue personnel are not convinced this is a coincidence.
An official statement just arriving from the Bengals states, “The Cincinnati Bengals are proud to welcome Adam Jones to our team.
Pacman unselfishly demonstrates his never-say-die fighting spirit to local police officers.
A proven fighter in strip clubs around the country, we believe Adam has all of the qualities we continue to seek in our organization.”
More to come as events unfold. This is Houdino reporting live from Mike Brown’s Camp for Wayw…err, Bengals Training Camp. Back to you, Timzilla.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Should fit right in with the Gold Star Chili Marvin Lewis Kids Football Camp. Adam will be there, dressed as the Don’t-Bee from Romper Room, and I’m sure he’ll have a Do-Bee with him a swell.
Oops! That’s “as well”, not “a swell”.
A “do-bee” … I get it. Dude, you got Oddbounces writer” written all over you! But that’s bad … shouldn’t write that on yourself. Your body’s a temple.
‘Pants…you’re starting to worry me. You’re sounding more like the ‘Zilla every day!