Average Bengals Fan Long Fingers Johnson.
By Timzilla
At Oddbounces, we’re nothing if not dedicated to truth. Yup, dedicated to truth and all Milla Jovovich movies (Resident Evil, The Fourth Kind, Ultraviolet, etc.).
And women-only nude beaches. We’re dedicated to those, too.
So with the Cincinnati Bengals’ pending acquisition of star-crossed Adam “Pacman” Jones, we anxiously sent Oddbounces free college intern Jimmy Jyms to the streets of Cincinnati to interview average fans. Fans just like you, me … us.
And while our corrupt mainstream media is reporting only outrage at Pacman’s signing, it appears average fans (fans just like you and me, us) apparently feel differently about the team’s new CB.
“It’s awesome,” said Long Fingers Johnson. “With all this political correctness rampantly running through out our oppressive society, we need a man like Pacman on this team. His impact on our community will be felt from Indian Hill to Gobblers Knob in Hamilton. He cares about our youth, man, even those often-difficult 15 year old girls.”
Average Bengals fan Poke Thurman.
Those sentiments were seemingly echoed by Downtown Ernie Pitzer, owner of That Real Hairy Place, a recently renovated exotic dance club in Covington now offering air-conditioned private dances and free Handywipes.
“S’it, man … I been me one of dose Bengals fans fo mo’ years dan Pam Anderson’s titties been gettin’ sunshine. Hell, I was dare when dat Wyche dude done said dat Cleveland thang. S’it, I welcome the Pacman.” Soon after the interview, Pitzer shot free college intern Jimmy Jyms in the abdomen and shoulder. Jyms is in critical condition.
“It’s all about da mofugun oconomy, Holmes,” said Over The Rhine’s Poke Thurman to Oddbounces replacement intern Sharon Shunkleroy. “This mofugun oconomy needs some mofugun stimuli, and da Pacman man can pump in some mofugun money into the mofugan oconomy, man.”
Average Bengals fan and murder suspect Downtown Ernie Pitzer.
When asked exactly how Jones can help the local economy, Thurman replied, “Ya gotta be mofugun me, you stupid mofuger intern.”
Postscript: It was learned Bengals owner Mike Brown recently invested in That Real Hairy Place, a recently renovated exotic dance club in Covington now offering air-conditioned private dances and free Handywipes.
Update: Oddbounces free college intern Jimmy Jyms is dead at the age of 42.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Jimmy Jyms, we hardly knew ya. To be gunned down in the prime of life–, er, to be senselessly gunned down 20 years removed from the prime of your life, which was that first year of junior college in America Samoa, before the accusations and after you discovered hallucinogenic properties of the indigenous Samoan paw paw. But I digress…we’ll miss you around here, Jimmy. May you rest in peace, Jimmy J.
If the nude beach is women-only …….
binoculars