By Timzilla
Letters and emails to Oddbounces Global Headquarters usually ask two questions—one, our understanding of the Bush Doctorine, and two, why this year no Bengals stories appeared in the national mainstream sports media?
Who says spreading world dispair can't be tastey, too.
Despite a division-winning, playoff-appearing 2009 season, Bengals fans were frustrated as they searched for good national stories—to no avail.
Just yesterday, in fact, Bianca Jigger wrote: “Hey Oddbounces, what’s your understanding of the Bush Doctorine, and why are the Bengals always ignored by ESPN and Sports Illustrated, and media like that?”
Good Question, Bianca.
The Bush Doctrine is easy. That was former President George Bush’s ambition to spread world despair while still making the best baked beans this side of Albuquerque.
But the Bengals question? That’s a bit harder.
So we dispatched free Oddbounces intern Jimmy Jyms dressed as an Islamic imam to infiltrate NFL Headquarters, where he uncovered some disparaging news.
Blonde-haired intern dressed as Islamic imam infiltrates NFL HQs.
Evidently the NFL has for years been submitting the word “Bengals” as “Spam” to all the major search engines, effectively sending all team stories directly to fans’ desktop trash cans.
“Okay, you caught us,” admitted a defiant NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “We did it. So sue us. See how far you get, Bengals fans.”
However there is good news.
Sure, it’s a little after the fact but Bengals fans can find thousands of great 2009 Bengals stories in their trash, according to Jyms. “Just click and read articles from September about Shayne Graham’s clutch kicking, and how Ced Benson will be a bust,” the free intern said.
This chronic problem has been rectified for 2010 as the Oddbounces I.T. Dept yesterday hacked NFL HQ servers, where we secretly “unclicked” the little “Send To Spam” box next to the Bengals name.
Problem seems solved for 2010. We can expect lots of great national Bengals coverage next year.
