Monthly Archives: December 2009

No Bengals Worthy of 2009 Pro Bowl? Booya!

0 Submitted by on Thu, 31 December 2009, 16:27
By Houdino You all know by now no Bengals players were named to this year’s Pro Bowl. And you’re pissed, right? Well, get over it. It’s the best news we’ve heard in weeks. Follow me on this… The Bengals aren’t just limping into the AFC playoffs, they’re being pushed in on a wheelchair. They play lackadaisical football against tomato cans Continue Reading...
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Steelers LB LaMarr Woodley’s Controversial Comments Result Of Rare Neuro-Gastro Disease, Says Doctor.

0 Submitted by on Thu, 31 December 2009, 07:17
By Timzilla “Cincinnati is probably going to go into New York and lay down for the Jets,” Steelers linebacker LaMarr Woodley yesterday told a Pittsburgh newspaper. “The Bengals don’t want to see Pittsburgh in there … they know if we get into the playoffs we’re a dangerous team.” Because Woodley’s comments have created a firestorm in Cincinnati and around the Continue Reading...
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Bengals Pro Bowl Slap Down Evokes Worldwide Condemnation, Tyra Banks Make-Up Strike.

0 Submitted by on Wed, 30 December 2009, 04:56
By Timzilla “It’s like the Kennedy assassination,” said longtime Bengals fan Milt Stilton. “People will remember where they were when they heard the news. I know I’ll remember.” Stilton, who killed a man for saying Ken Anderson doesn’t deserve to be in the Hall of Fame, is currently doing 25-to-life at the Ohio State Correctional Facility in Columbus. But less-incarcerated Continue Reading...
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Breaking News: Lewis to Rest Offense.

0 Submitted by on Tue, 29 December 2009, 20:40
By Houdino Oddbounces has learned Marvin Lewis will bench the entire offense Sunday night against the NY Jets. Not just the starters. The. Entire. Offense. When confronted in a back alley behind the stadium, Lewis shouted, “Aaahhhhhhh! Baby Jesus! What the hell do you think you’re doing? You just scared the pigment out of me. Look at me; I’m whiter Continue Reading...
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Last Chance to Order 'First & Fi’Teen' on Blu-ray! … Only 5 Left!

0 Submitted by on Tue, 29 December 2009, 07:05
Detective John First (Bruce Willis) and Sweets Fi’Teen (Marvin Lewis) together again as First & Fi’Teen. Willis, the sassy-ass cop with an iron jaw and hair trigger. Lewis, the wise-cracking, back-alley coach with a sleeping disorder. In this action-thriller punks don’t get no delay of game … cause the ass-kicking IS ALWAYS ON! Co-starring Danny Glover, and Denise Richardson as Continue Reading...
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Oddbounces VP Houdino Declares AFC Playoff Picture "Messed Up, Just Like Joan Rivers' Face."

0 Submitted by on Tue, 29 December 2009, 05:57
By Timzilla The Oddbounces staff and college interns last night burned the midnight oil crunching playoff numbers—and after 167 Slim Jims, several 6-packs of sissy light beer and 3 full viewings of Resident Evil—we’ve concluded the AFC picture is a freaking mess. “Hey, just like Joan Rivers’ face,” said Houdino, Oddbounces Vice President of Non-Sequiturs and Double Entendres, during a Continue Reading...
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Rey Maualuga breaks left ankle.

0 Submitted by on Mon, 28 December 2009, 08:45
A hobbled Rey Maualuga on Sunday slowly made his way to the sideline before being carted off for a fractured ankle. The bushied-haired, tattooed one ranks fourth on the team in tackles and has one sack. The injury sort of personifies the Bengals limping into the playoffs....
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Cincinnati Bengals Slip Past Chiefs 17-10, Win Major Award—American Football Conference North Division Championship.

0 Submitted by on Mon, 28 December 2009, 07:27
By Timzilla The Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday gave the Cincinnati Bengals exactly half an inch. And the Bengals took barely half an inch, yet still won a Major Award—the American Football Conference’s North Division Championship. “They are who we thought they were!” bellowed an emotional Marvin Lewis after the uninspired 17-10 win. If not for the different uniforms I’d Continue Reading...
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